Obviously I am not cool, or am I am I taking it too personally? I got to wondering  what exactly gives rise to embarrassment?  Like most of us I have felt it keenly sometimes and wished I didn't give a shit - why can't I be hard,  and not care two hoots?  Well I get embarrassed because relationships matter to me, people matter to me, I care - OK so its embarrassing, but if i mess up I can learn can't I ?

Have you noticed how we get far more embarrassed when it is something dear to our hearts, something we care passionately and deeply about - something we truly love?  Can we go out on a limb for that passion, can we take risks?  Out on a limb - ithinking about it, isn't that where the fruit is?

What is she rambling on about you might ask? Well going out on a limb takes courage, doesn't it?

Take zero waste - those of us who believe we should live sustainably aspire to this, we mean well, we talk about it and do our best. Many of us have got used to taking our own shopping bags for groceries instead of adding to pollution and we may feel virtuous when we decline their plastic bags,easy peasy if we remember, and others around us see the virtue in it too,  but that is one tiny step and there is a whole mountain to climb. We might petition the shop to reduce packaging, but do they listen?  How many of us would go out on a limb and take our own containers from home to decant the food into, leaving the shop with the packaging ? How embarrassing all other shoppers staring - but zero waste for me and but a headache for the shop to dispose of.  If I am really passionate about sustainability then it is my personal responsibility - embarrasment or not.  I ordered a pop up tent the other day it arrived in a huge cardboard package, oh dear, how to dispose of it? The answer was to use it to suppress the weeds in my garden, mulch compost over it and let it feed my garden but I had not accounted for the plastic cellotape - into the recycling.... Most of my food comes from my garden or a box scheme whose policy is also zero waste, but I can't get everything from them and supermarkets give me a headache plasticised cardboard for instance - inseparable!  Why go to all that trouble - well I love the planet and that means caring enough to take personal responsibility for my own contribution to zero waste.and zero pollution.

Another embarrassment for me is groups, mostly we start them because it is something we are passionate about, the group Occupii Love was something that fired my passions, lots joined, so others shared that feeling too, but I noticed though they joined not many contributed much and then embarrassment set in - was it bigheaded of me to think I could start such a group, my intention was for us to share and grow together, as i knew I don't have all the answers, but longevity has taught me the value of love being unconditional,, of working through relationship problems instead of walking away from them, Life taught me how wide the spectrum of love can be - it starts with loving self, when we can achieve that we have the capacity to grow and extend love right up to loving our enemies, the planet and the universe - and that means caring, sigh,  back to personal responsibility and zero waste again. It is one by one each taking personal responsibility, through sharing, and learning from our individual and group mistakes.that we will evolve,  am i so wrong to be such a cock- eyed optimist ?, As a nurse I witnessed first hand humanities amazing capacity to love and care in some hellish situations,  fundamentally humanity has an enormous capacity for love. Maybe though we are just too embarrassed to talk about love to share our failures and what we learn from them that can lead on to our successses. So in all humility  I ask if my approach to the group was wrong ? Is it something we can only learn in our day to day life?  Or might there be value in sharing with one another our failures and the learning that leads to growth in our capacity for love?