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Comment by gael.bage on August 25, 2012 at 22:13

what is written on Prince Harry's T shirt ?

Contents - One Nude

Comment by gael.bage on July 18, 2012 at 22:04

While walking down the street one day a "Member of Parliament" is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'
'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.
'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'
'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP.
'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises....

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
'Now it's time to visit heaven.'
So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'
The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
'I don't understand,' stammers the MP. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?'
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday, we were campaigning.. ...
Today, you voted."

Comment by gael.bage on June 3, 2012 at 23:02

What do politicians and diapers have in common.? They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening',- and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

Comment by gael.bage on May 24, 2012 at 9:57

Woody Allen Quotes

Woody Allen quotes -

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not
loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer.
To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy.
Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness.
I hope you're getting this down.

Comment by gael.bage on May 16, 2012 at 13:52

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. Newspaper:*
>*
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER**.
 8 years old.
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!**
>
 FREE PUPPIES**
 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.*
> *
FREE PUPPIES**.
Mother, a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog able to leap tall fences in a single bound.*
> *
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED**.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.*
> *
JOINING NUDIST COLONY**!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.*
> *
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE**.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.*
>
FOR SALE BY OWNER**.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition....£200 or best offer.
No longer needed; got married last month.
Partner knows "f#%#%#g" everything!*

Comment by gael.bage on May 15, 2012 at 0:01

Phillip Hewitson, an elderly man, from Norwich UK, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.




He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"




He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.




Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."




George said, "Okay."




He hung up the phone and counted to 30.




Then he phoned the police again.


"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.


Within five minutes, Six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Hewitson`s' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.




One of the Policemen said to Phillip, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"




Phillip said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"